Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
