Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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