I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
