Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
