I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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