last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
