sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
