Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
