his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize