is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
