Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
