If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
