How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize