Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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