for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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