why didn't you poke me back
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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