I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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