Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
