your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
