I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
