You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
