Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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