Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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