last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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