You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
someone owes me an orgasm
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
