i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
