so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
