I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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