cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
