don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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