omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
