omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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