i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
