So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
