Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
