I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
