My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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