So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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