Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
