Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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