Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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