Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
