dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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