I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
