my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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