R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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