she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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