Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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