honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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