so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
3pm strippers are depressing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
