Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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