i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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