I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
