Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
