So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize