Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
