i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
