I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
