Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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