if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
