I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
