If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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