um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
