dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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