So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
