Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
